Year of Me

The cool thing about having a January birthday is that I feel like each year starts with a completely new slate for me. We enter the New Year and then, just weeks later, I enter a new age. It’s kinda cool to me. It feels like getting a completely fresh start.

I know we’re already over a month into 2017 and no one is talking about New Year’s resolutions anymore. That’s fine. Rather than making a resolution for the new year, I’ve decided to give 2017 a theme.

I’ve dedicated my twenty-third year as the “Year of Me.”

I know calling it that seems kind of selfish and maybe even a little narcissistic, but it’s time that I focus on me.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a people pleaser. I like to portray myself as a very independent person who doesn’t care what others think, but I’m actually riddled with anxiety over the thoughts and opinions of my family and my peers.

From what I wear to what I post online, I’ve always been incredibly conscious in basing most of my decisions on how others will react to them, rather than focusing on the reasons that I made them.

I’ve deleted so many Facebook statuses that I fully believed in because I received opposition that I wasn’t expecting. I’ve kept myself from doing so many things out of fear of what people would say.

I analyze my own actions to the point where I drive myself crazy, trying to estimate how others will feel about them. I remove myself from the situation and put so much focus on making everyone else happy that I often forsake my own joy.

It’s time for a change.

This year, I’m focusing on myself. I’m going to do the things that I want to do, and I’m going to go where I want to go. I’m going to focus on my own happiness and put myself first for once.

I’m learning to practice self-love and find joy within. I want to be able to look back on 2017 and remember it is a happy time. I want to remember this year as the year that I did things simply because I wanted to.

I know it’s going to be a work in progress, but maybe I’ll find a little more of myself along this journey.

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